1 00:00:12,500 --> 00:00:15,500 Once upon time, in a distant solar system... 2 00:00:21,000 --> 00:00:25,000 Who shall we destroy today with our new birdies? 3 00:00:25,000 --> 00:00:30,000 Scan for helpless cargo ships. 4 00:00:30,000 --> 00:00:35,000 Master! Our scanners found a Turengi ship from Plingon space. 5 00:00:35,000 --> 00:00:38,000 Whatta hell! Stash the ship and attack! 6 00:00:52,000 --> 00:00:54,000 Master! They are hailing us. 7 00:00:56,000 --> 00:00:58,000 So what? 8 00:01:04,500 --> 00:01:11,000 They say that they have something that could make the enemies of the Plingons shiver from terror. 9 00:01:11,000 --> 00:01:14,000 Why didn't you say that in the first place? Open a channel! 10 00:01:14,000 --> 00:01:15,500 Connecting... 11 00:01:17,000 --> 00:01:25,000 We have a business proposal for the Plingons. We have acquired blueprints for a gate that allows traveling anywhere in the universum. 12 00:01:25,000 --> 00:01:27,000 And how much does it cost? 13 00:01:27,000 --> 00:01:29,500 100kg of gold. 14 00:01:30,000 --> 00:01:34,000 Arg...what if we get the blueprints and you can leave alive? 15 00:01:34,000 --> 00:01:37,000 Ehh...it's a deal! 16 00:01:37,000 --> 00:01:40,000 Hmm...that sounds much better. Beam those blueprints to our ship. 17 00:01:41,000 --> 00:01:46,000 No-one must hear about this. Kill those big ears! Heh heh... 18 00:01:46,000 --> 00:01:49,000 It's my pleasure, master! 19 00:02:01,000 --> 00:02:03,000 Couple of months later in Vixeria 2 orbit. 20 00:02:03,000 --> 00:02:12,000 When will that material shipment arrive? We've run out of 5 inch nails and turenium plates. 21 00:02:13,000 --> 00:02:15,000 The cargo ship will arrives in approximately one hour. 22 00:04:03,000 --> 00:04:06,000 Six months later 23 00:04:10,000 --> 00:04:13,000 Computer, stop the music and start scribbling 24 00:04:13,000 --> 00:04:21,000 Captain's scribbling. Moondate...eh..something and some over. We have been transporting garbage from planet to planet for the last five months. 25 00:04:21,000 --> 00:04:28,000 But finally it came to the end. I just received new orders to go to Erotica 6 and make a report of that planet to headquarters. 26 00:04:28,000 --> 00:04:36,000 The CPP Hardcore was there, but its captain enjoyed the local services too much and the P-fleet called them off the mission. 27 00:04:36,000 --> 00:04:39,000 Luckily, we got the job now. 28 00:04:39,000 --> 00:04:51,000 And then something about the crew. Mr. File Not Found got version 0.75b of his face and his sound card, Sound Bluster 17, was replaced with Sound Bluster 129 Alive model. 29 00:04:51,000 --> 00:04:59,000 And then I was finally going to get a first officer but when he heard who was the captain of this ship, he committed a harakiri. 30 00:04:59,000 --> 00:05:06,000 Well...I don't have anything else to tell right now. Oh...ensign Glove said that ETA to Erotica 6 is somewhere between two and ten hours. 31 00:05:06,000 --> 00:05:11,000 He's getting more and more accurate on those ETAs every day. Computer, stop recording. 32 00:05:12,000 --> 00:05:18,000 Boring...I could go to the halludeck. I haven't been there for a while. 33 00:05:18,800 --> 00:05:22,000 Captain, the admiral is on line five. Shall I connect him to your quarters? 34 00:05:22,000 --> 00:05:24,000 Ok. 35 00:05:24,000 --> 00:05:27,000 Connecting... 36 00:05:27,000 --> 00:05:30,000 Well, hello sir! Nice to see you again. 37 00:05:30,000 --> 00:05:34,000 Screw you! I know what you think of me! 38 00:05:34,000 --> 00:05:35,500 Why do you say that? 39 00:05:35,500 --> 00:05:41,000 If someone sends a kilogram of Dagorian llama crap as a birthday present, believe me, I know! 40 00:05:41,000 --> 00:05:44,500 Oh, that...well, did you have something to tell me? 41 00:05:44,500 --> 00:05:52,000 P-fleet's intelligence service has found out that the Plingons are building something very strange in the orbit of Vixeria. 42 00:05:52,000 --> 00:06:01,000 It's probably a weapon against P-fleet. You job is to investigate what they are building there, and the job must be done quietly. 43 00:06:01,000 --> 00:06:09,500 They must not see CPP Asskicker there! You will need a stashing device, but the P-fleet doesn't have any. So, you need to acquire one on your own. 44 00:06:09,500 --> 00:06:18,500 So, your mission is to get a stashing device, go to Vixeria 2 undetected and there get as much information about the project as possible. 45 00:06:18,500 --> 00:06:23,000 Don't you have any difficult missions? This one is so easy! 46 00:06:23,000 --> 00:06:29,500 And remember this: Do not wreck the ship this time! Last time we spent two months repairing your ship! 47 00:06:29,500 --> 00:06:31,500 Ok, I'll try. 48 00:06:31,500 --> 00:06:32,500 P-fleet out. 49 00:06:33,500 --> 00:06:40,000 Damn...this job is going to be a catastrophe. I should probably get that lawyer module for Failix. 50 00:06:43,000 --> 00:06:51,000 Hey guys! We just got new orders. Our mission to Erotica 6 has been canceled and instead of that we must get a stashing device and spy Plingons on Vixeria 2. 51 00:06:51,000 --> 00:06:55,000 And just how do you think that's possible? 52 00:06:55,000 --> 00:06:59,500 Hey Failix, do you have any ideas where we could get the stashing device to this ship and fast? 53 00:06:59,500 --> 00:07:01,000 Either we buy it... 54 00:07:01,000 --> 00:07:02,000 Boring! 55 00:07:02,000 --> 00:07:05,000 ...or we go to the Plingon border and rip it off from a Plingon birdie. 56 00:07:05,000 --> 00:07:09,500 Hey! But that is a decent idea. Mr. Glove, set course to the Plingon border. 57 00:07:09,500 --> 00:07:12,000 Aye, aye, sir! 58 00:07:25,100 --> 00:07:28,000 What's the ETA to the Plingon border? 59 00:07:28,000 --> 00:07:34,000 Very good question...no wait...we just crossed the border. 60 00:07:34,000 --> 00:07:37,500 In that case, take us to the nearest solar system and let's see what happens. 61 00:07:40,000 --> 00:07:42,500 We have arrived. 62 00:07:42,500 --> 00:07:44,000 Mr. File, scan the area. 63 00:07:44,000 --> 00:07:48,000 I can't see anything...wait a minute! Three Plingon birdies de-stashing! 64 00:07:48,000 --> 00:07:51,500 Holy coffee maker! Charge the twinklers and load lightball tubes! 65 00:07:59,000 --> 00:08:00,000 They are hailing us. 66 00:08:00,000 --> 00:08:04,000 Why don't they shoot first and then interrogate us? Put it on the main telly! 67 00:08:04,000 --> 00:08:06,000 What are you doing here? 68 00:08:06,000 --> 00:08:09,000 Why don't you shoot first and then ask questions? 69 00:08:09,000 --> 00:08:15,500 Well...in the last battle you destroyed one birdie and a heavy battle cruiser. So what are you doing here? 70 00:08:16,000 --> 00:08:22,000 We just came here to blow up one of your ships and rip the stashing device from it. Nothing else. 71 00:08:22,000 --> 00:08:27,500 Oh...you have three minutes to withdraw from our space or we will open fire. 72 00:08:27,500 --> 00:08:33,500 I'm shaking! Please don't shoot us! No...just kidding. You are so cowardly...Mr. File, disconnect. 73 00:08:33,500 --> 00:08:35,000 Disconnected. 74 00:08:35,000 --> 00:08:38,000 How good chances do we have of defeating three birdies? 75 00:08:38,000 --> 00:08:39,000 Calculating possibilities... 76 00:08:40,500 --> 00:08:42,000 What happened to Mr. File? 77 00:08:42,000 --> 00:08:51,500 I believe that Mr. File's warez beta version of Doors PX system crashed. It will automatically boot in five minutes. 78 00:08:51,500 --> 00:08:56,500 But we haven't got that much time left! Did they teach you to use starship weapons in the academy? 79 00:08:56,500 --> 00:08:59,500 Yes. I was best in the whole class. 80 00:08:59,500 --> 00:09:03,000 Sounds hard to believe but take the tactical console. I'll take the helm. 81 00:09:03,000 --> 00:09:06,000 Twenty seconds left! 82 00:09:06,000 --> 00:09:08,000 Ok, let's go! 83 00:09:16,000 --> 00:09:20,000 Yeehaa! We destroyd one and there's still two left. 84 00:09:20,000 --> 00:09:21,000 Good. 85 00:09:21,000 --> 00:09:22,000 Captain... 86 00:09:22,800 --> 00:09:25,500 They are bombarding our aft deflector plates. They... 87 00:09:26,000 --> 00:09:28,500 ...can't hold this for long. 88 00:09:28,500 --> 00:09:33,000 Use those new twinklers and lightball tubes. They aren't there for nothing. 89 00:09:33,000 --> 00:09:34,000 Yes, sir! 90 00:09:40,500 --> 00:09:43,000 What am I doing on the floor? 91 00:09:43,000 --> 00:09:47,000 Mr. Glove! Ready the bottom side twinklers. 92 00:09:47,000 --> 00:09:50,000 But we can't use them right now. 93 00:09:50,000 --> 00:09:53,500 So you think. Watch this and learn! 94 00:10:00,000 --> 00:10:05,000 Help! Helm console jammed! I lost control! We are going to crash!! 95 00:10:10,000 --> 00:10:13,000 Nice maneuver. 96 00:10:13,000 --> 00:10:16,000 I know that I'm the best. That's why I'm the captain. 97 00:10:16,000 --> 00:10:20,000 Ok...man your own stations and then, Mr. File, send Ltn Nameless to the Plingon ship. 98 00:10:20,000 --> 00:10:23,000 I can't recommend sending anyone to that ship because it could explo... 99 00:10:23,000 --> 00:10:25,000 Send Ltn Nameless there! 100 00:10:29,000 --> 00:10:32,500 CPP Asskicker is hailing Ltn Nameless. Do you read me? 101 00:10:32,500 --> 00:10:37,000 Yes I can hear you. I've located the stashing device and I'm now removing it. Please wait... 102 00:11:00,000 --> 00:11:09,000 Device safely recovered. Wait...there's a light blinking. It says "Self-dest*#¤t". I'm pressing it. Maybe it will stop blinking then. 103 00:11:09,000 --> 00:11:10,000 Don't press that... 104 00:11:13,000 --> 00:11:14,500 ...button. 105 00:11:14,500 --> 00:11:18,500 I suggest that we leave immediately. I'm reading a large disturbance coming this way! 106 00:11:18,500 --> 00:11:21,500 Mr. Glove! Set course back to P-fleet space, maximum twist! 107 00:11:21,500 --> 00:11:24,000 Multiple Plingon ships de-stashing. 108 00:11:37,000 --> 00:11:40,000 We have arrived in P-fleet space. 109 00:11:40,000 --> 00:11:42,000 Any more great ideas, Mr. File? 110 00:11:42,000 --> 00:11:49,500 We could go to Deep Space Six. One Turengi named Huark lives there. He can acquire everything and it's easy to blackmail him. 111 00:11:49,500 --> 00:11:54,500 Sounds good to me. Mr. Glove, set course to Deep Space Six. I'll go to my quarters. 112 00:11:54,500 --> 00:11:57,000 Aye, aye, sir! 113 00:11:58,000 --> 00:12:03,000 Captain's scribbling. From now on moondates will be removed for security reasons. 114 00:12:03,000 --> 00:12:13,000 We have been travelling to Deep Space Six for nearly five hours. We should have arrived an hour ago so I'm beginning to fear that we are on our way to Romuclan homeworld or some hostile area. 115 00:12:13,500 --> 00:12:16,000 Captain, we are arriving at Deep Space Six. 116 00:12:16,000 --> 00:12:20,500 Ok. Slow down to shove power. I'm on my way to bridge. Licard out. 117 00:12:21,500 --> 00:12:23,000 Situation report. 118 00:12:23,000 --> 00:12:25,500 We have arrived to Deep Space Six with some luck. 119 00:12:25,500 --> 00:12:28,000 Good. Put the station on the main telly. 120 00:12:33,000 --> 00:12:34,000 We are at the station. 121 00:12:34,000 --> 00:12:38,000 Full stop. Scan the station and find that Turengi. 122 00:12:38,000 --> 00:12:39,000 He's in his bar. 123 00:12:39,000 --> 00:12:42,500 Ok. Mr. File, you and I are on the away team. Let's beam directly to that bar. 124 00:12:42,500 --> 00:12:45,500 Shouldn't we ask a permission from station commander? 125 00:12:45,500 --> 00:12:49,000 Why? We are on the same side. Let's go to the beaming room. 126 00:12:57,500 --> 00:13:00,500 Welcome to Huark's bar. How may I serve you? 127 00:13:00,500 --> 00:13:04,000 We have heard that you take special deliveries. 128 00:13:04,000 --> 00:13:11,000 You are correct. Right now I have Sikerian wine, Aserian donuts... 129 00:13:11,000 --> 00:13:14,000 I meant equipment that can be installed on a starship. 130 00:13:14,000 --> 00:13:18,000 And what do you have in mind? I can sell replicators cheap. 131 00:13:18,000 --> 00:13:21,000 Stop it! We need an illegal stashing device for our ship. 132 00:13:21,000 --> 00:13:28,500 Then you are lucky. I just happen to have one in my storage and the price is 80kg of gold. 133 00:13:28,500 --> 00:13:30,500 No way! Maximum price is 30kg of gold. 134 00:13:30,500 --> 00:13:33,000 Nope..60kg of gold. 135 00:13:33,000 --> 00:13:40,500 Ok...then let's say that you give that device to P-fleet as a gesture of goodwill, or we will call the station commander and ask him to collect your rent and electricity fees. 136 00:13:40,500 --> 00:13:43,500 But I paid them last week! 137 00:13:43,500 --> 00:13:47,000 Well...we will blow this bar up if you don't give that device! 138 00:13:47,000 --> 00:13:50,500 But captain... - Quiet! So what will it be, Huark? 139 00:13:50,500 --> 00:13:53,500 So what? I have insurance. 140 00:13:53,500 --> 00:14:00,000 Hmm...Ok, Mr. File won't rip your head off if you give that device to us. 141 00:14:00,000 --> 00:14:02,000 Shut up! 142 00:14:02,000 --> 00:14:05,000 Ok then. When do you need it? 143 00:14:05,000 --> 00:14:08,500 I knew that we can reason with you. We need that device immediately. 144 00:14:08,500 --> 00:14:11,500 I'll send you the coordinates for beaming. 145 00:14:11,500 --> 00:14:12,500 Good. 146 00:14:14,000 --> 00:14:19,000 Licard to Asskicker. Beam us and the device aboard from the coordinates that Huark sent. 147 00:14:23,500 --> 00:14:28,000 This is the main engineer. We'll need at least 6 hours to install the stashing device. 148 00:14:28,000 --> 00:14:32,000 You have 10 minutes or no salary! 149 00:14:32,000 --> 00:14:34,000 No problemo. 150 00:14:34,000 --> 00:14:41,000 Oh...at least something is working on this ship. Mr. Glove, set course to Vixeria 2 and stop at the Plingon border. 151 00:14:41,000 --> 00:14:43,000 Aye, aye, sir! 152 00:14:54,500 --> 00:14:56,500 After many many hours... 153 00:15:04,000 --> 00:15:07,000 We have a problem. There's a tachyon grid at the Plingon border. 154 00:15:07,000 --> 00:15:09,500 Tachini...what?? 155 00:15:09,500 --> 00:15:13,000 Tachyon grid that detects any ship that tries to cross the border. No matter if they are stashed or not. 156 00:15:13,000 --> 00:15:15,500 Oh...show that tactical map on the main telly. 157 00:15:17,000 --> 00:15:20,500 P-fleet's map center 158 00:15:23,500 --> 00:15:27,000 Hmm...what is that big white thing? 159 00:15:27,000 --> 00:15:29,000 That is the Nipuli Nebula. 160 00:15:29,000 --> 00:15:33,000 What if we go through it? I don't think that there are patrols or that tachina...thing there. 161 00:15:33,000 --> 00:15:36,000 Very good idea, sir! 162 00:15:36,000 --> 00:15:42,000 That sounded too intelligent for your idea. Where did you rip that? 163 00:15:42,000 --> 00:15:47,500 From "P-fleet official captain manual", of course! They do that kind of things here all the time... 164 00:15:47,500 --> 00:15:54,000 ...but set a course to the nebula. And Mr. File, tell the crew that we are going into a nebula and tell them to close all the windows. 165 00:15:54,000 --> 00:15:57,000 But captain, this is a starship. 166 00:15:57,000 --> 00:15:59,000 So what? We have windows. Don't we? 167 00:15:59,000 --> 00:16:03,500 Captain, I have never navigated inside of a nebula. 168 00:16:03,500 --> 00:16:04,500 So? 169 00:16:04,500 --> 00:16:08,500 I guess nothing...course plotted. 170 00:16:08,500 --> 00:16:12,000 You ask far too many questions. Pedal to the metal! 171 00:16:26,000 --> 00:16:33,000 Captain's scribbling. We have been travelling in the nebula for four hours. Mr. File said that we should have exited the nebula two hours ago. 172 00:16:33,000 --> 00:16:36,000 I don't know how Glove does it but... 173 00:16:36,000 --> 00:16:43,000 ...I just hope that we can get to Vixeria 2 before the Plingons finish their gizmo. Computer, stop recording. 174 00:16:44,000 --> 00:16:47,500 Nebular density is dropping. We are exiting the nebula. 175 00:16:47,500 --> 00:16:50,500 Full scan! Are we on the Plingon side? 176 00:16:50,500 --> 00:16:56,000 Scanners indicate that we are almost in the same position as four hours ago before entering the nebula. 177 00:16:56,000 --> 00:17:01,500 Damn you, Mr. Glove! Turn the ship around and full speed ahead! 178 00:17:01,500 --> 00:17:04,000 Aye, aye, sir! 179 00:17:13,000 --> 00:17:24,500 Captain's scribbling. We are in the nebula - again - and we have travelled for over two hours. If we can't get to Plingon space in the next 30 minutes, Glove gets thrown out of an airlock! 180 00:17:24,500 --> 00:17:26,500 Captain, we are coming out of the nebula. 181 00:17:32,000 --> 00:17:33,500 Are we in Plingon space this time? 182 00:17:33,500 --> 00:17:35,500 Scanning...yes we are! 183 00:17:35,500 --> 00:17:38,500 In that case, plot course to Vixeria 2. 184 00:17:38,500 --> 00:17:41,000 Aye, aye, sir! 185 00:17:41,000 --> 00:17:49,300 Hmmm...we have forgotten something very important. I just can't...OH! Mr. File, activate the stashing device!